Look even at Pussy Sobersides, along with her dull sleepy glance, her grave sluggish stroll, and dignified, prudish airs; who might ever assume that after she was the blue-eyed, whirling, scampering, head-over-heels, mad little firework that we name a kitten. You have to gain its approbation earlier than they are going to even listen to you, and if, as is very probable, the animal, whose frank, doggy nature has been warped by the unnatural therapy he has acquired, responds to your overtures of friendship by viciously snapping at you, your cause is lost for ever. One day the candy unhappy strains will sound out full and clear, after which we too shall, like the little kids, throw our playthings all apart, and follow. They discuss sweet girlish prattle to this animal (when there’s anybody close to enough to overhear them), they usually kiss its nose, and put its unwashed head up against their cheek in a most touching method; though I have noticed that these caresses are principally carried out when there are young males hanging about.
The family sit in a row all day long, watching him, commenting upon his actions, telling one another anecdotes about him, recalling his virtues, and remembering with tears how someday they misplaced him for two whole hours, on which occasion he was introduced residence in a most brutal manner by the butcher boy, who had been met carrying him by the scruff of his neck with one hand, whereas soundly cuffing his head with the opposite. Can you remember these glorious days of recent young manhood; how, when coming house alongside the moonlit street, we felt too vigorous for sober walking, and had to spring and skip, and wave our arms, and shout, till belated farmers’ wives thought-and with good purpose, too-that we have been mad, and kept near the hedge, whereas we stood and laughed aloud to see them scuttle off so quick, and made their blood run cold with a wild parting whoop; and the tears came, we knew not why. For the wild strange music can be ringing in our hearts, and we shall know the meaning of its song by then.
But we shall push the fond arms gently again, and move out by the sorrowing home and via the open door. They encourage their house owners in the tomfoolery, and the consequence is, that in the circles I am talking of, what “pricey Fido” has performed, does do, will do, won’t do, can do, cannot do, was doing, is doing, goes to do, shall do, shan’t do, and is about to be going to have achieved is the continual theme of discussion from morning till night time. Can you remember, reader, if you and i felt one thing of the same form of factor? This query, which it has been the custom to treat from a metaphysical viewpoint, is to us purely anthropological, or rather zoological; for we propose to show by characteristic examples borrowed from the whole animal kingdom that sexuality undergoes the same evolution in all species, including the human species. There are the gushing young ladies who, having learn David Copperfield, have thereupon sought out a small, lengthy-haired dog of nondescript breed, possessed of an irritating behavior of criticising a man’s trousers, and of finally commenting upon the identical by a sniff, indicative of contempt and disgust.
Then there are the previous ladies who worship a fat poodle, scant of breath and stuffed with fleas. It had a mutton cutlet recurrently for breakfast; and on Sundays, when one of many ladies went to church, the opposite all the time stopped at house to keep the canine firm. The world seems an enormous horrible grinding machine, into which what is recent and brilliant and pure is pushed at one finish, to come back out previous and crabbed and wrinkled at the other. Whereupon, the others, mad with envy, rise up, and, seizing as much of the canine as the greed of the first one has left to them, murmur reward and devotion. The mystic music calls to them, and they observe, heedless and unasking where. I want people could love animals with out getting maudlin over them, as so many do. The pre-eminence of man over lady is more considerable in the case of large than of small persons. It is best to remember, nonetheless, that the longer coat does require extra consideration when grooming. After recovering from these bitter recollections, they vie with one another in bursts of admiration for the brute, till some greater than usually enthusiastic member, unable any longer to manage his feelings, swoops down upon the unhappy quadruped, in a frenzy of affection, clutches it to his heart, and slobbers over it.